A friend, Jen, recently posted a memory on Facebook of a photo of her with a friend, and they were smiling and having fun. I loved that photo because I remember it initially but never knew there was unloving banter about it.
Jen and her husband, Steve, had been out to dinner and posting silly selfies, as they often did. They always had silly fun and were genuinely happy together. They went on about their night.
The next morning, she discovered her husband had unexpectedly passed away. She was shocked and devastated and honestly did not know what to do. A while later, her son made a very loving post announcing that his dad had passed away unexpectedly, and they would announce arrangements when able. The whole time was incredibly sad.
Jen had a group of long-time boys and girlfriends who, without hesitation, said goodbye to their families, hopped in a car together, and drove two states over to be with her. Those are the friends we all need in life.
As time went on, she made it through all the arrangements and tried to organize things to allow his friends and family to say goodbye. She stood firm with a broken heart, and all any of us could do was be there to talk or help.
A few months went on, people were reaching out to her, including other real friends. One happened to be an old college friend who took her downtown to have a day full of laughter rather than tears. They took two selfies and posted them. It was beautiful and quite honestly relieving, to know that while she carried so much pain and heartache, she had friends to lift her and try to help her when she doesn't know what to do or how to even begin living without her husband.
As these years went on, I never really gave the photos much thought. Jen and her son took years of trying to navigate life without Steve and managed to find healing and moved forward like everyone knows Steve would have wanted them. Jen has even found love again.
When she posted the memory, she added a caption about the photos being one of the controversies that led her and her son to receive many comments, phone calls, and judgments about Jen and her friend. While she had been mourning her husband's death, her social media "friends" felt her behavior was inexcusable and inappropriate.
What?
Yes, that is what they said to her son and then to her. Inexcusable. Inappropriate.
When they are both struggling with their loss, they were bombarded with rude and hurtful comments and phone conversations about how Jen had been going out too early after her husband's passing.
The memory post happened two days ago, and I am still thinking about it. I had not known Jen had been going through all the negativity while navigating how to live this new life she was forced into without warning. I could not help but wonder when I forgot that social media is a platform for keeping up with people and allowing personal talking points. The people who follow are not friends, they are followers, they are nosey people so wrapped up in watching how you live your life that they forget that posts on social media to not a living make. Nor do posts cover every day or situation.
It took for Jen to post that memory for me to realize that social media is a lens without perspective. I hadn't known about that time in her life because she was holding her head above it and knew the truth, and that was all that mattered. All these years later, she was able to sort of stick out her tongue at everyone and let them know they were wrong.
Losing someone is difficult and challenging for the mind and heart. Losing someone and having social media effects? That is not for the weak. Not everyone can cope with judgments and social media bullying. No one speaking about Jen being inappropriate had any idea who she truly is as a person. She was struggling, and the photo is a reminder that friends lift us when we forget how to fly. It's a beautiful reminder.
We need to be more careful with our words and leave the judgments behind. There is a saying that states of being cautious because even salt looks like sugar. Truth.
Be careful with people, not all can look past the wickedness of the busybodies of social media. Sometimes there is strength to be given online, powerful words and a feeling of not being alone. There are so many different types of effects. We just need to be more mindful of each other's trials and triumphs. Social media can be good for support but it can also destroy a person's heart if we are not careful.
So very true and wise. Funny, I learned this lesson a very long time ago. Social Media attracts some followers that will never be friends. It's still a great platform when you know how to distinguish the two.