Where do I start trying to stop having these wild dreams and crazy off-the-wall thoughts. I can be doing the simplest of tasks and an image will pop in my head, something from my past. I will simply go off into deep thought without knowing that I am.
The other day I was driving to work, it's about 45 minutes to an hour away. I had been in a good mood, listening to music and cruising down the highway. Out of nowhere, a thought came through. Maybe it was a light bulb moment when something finally made sense. That's what it felt like.
Where did it come from? I wasn't thinking about it all. Where did that thought just pop in from when I had just been singing along with a song that has no relation or connection to my past?
It happens frequently. An unprovoked thought appears and somehow solves a question from years ago. I want to heal the past but it keeps coming to me. Am I summoning it? Is it festering somewhere in my subconscious where it pops up every now and again?
None of it matters. What is done, is done. What has happened, has happened.
For the longest time, years, I had struggled to understand my past. I lived it and yet knew very little of it. How does that happen?
How does one just not know what they are living through?
In hindsight, I believe I was mentally unstable but that doesn't explain how one day, I just woke up differently and am that same different person from that day. How does one just walk out from the fog and become clear again? How does that happen?
I wish I could make these thoughts stop coming to me. I do not want to remember now. Now I want to move forward and not look back.