Christmas morning was a hit!
The boy was in all his glory opening gifts. I had picked up a pocket watch, a simple one, with the engraving "Dad, no matter how much time passes, you will always be my hero". That child cried so hard that it made me cry. He was so excited for his dad to open it. As his dad was opening it, I watched as tears ran down the boys face. His dad was so confused, what was making him cry? As he opened the gift and read the engraving, he began to get sappy and teared up. What a beautiful moment to witness. Their bond, their love is so deep and strong. I fall in love with that each day.
I didn't quite know what to expect, I knew that I had been an emotional person up to this point. It was a calm morning, just excitement and joy. Then it was off to his mother's for the all important beginning of the Christmas dinner. It doesn't quite feel like I belong anymore. Not since his sister-in-law had started acting weird again. I just know I am his girlfriend and my obligation is to be the best girlfriend and treat his family as if they were my own. I wish it was as easy as that.
The dinner was a hit! We had all been able to present a feast fit for an army of people. There was so much food, it was just breathtaking. Me and my partner managed to have the house ready, cook food, bake goodies, and organize the day without a glitch. We ran the dinner as if it was our restaurant, our business. We kept it cordial and friendly while working the entire time. I managed to have leftovers packed up and ready for the guests, dishes washed, floors swept in no time.
It is just strange. This is the first year I had felt like an outsider. There is so much unnecessary tension. I think we just need a break for a couple of weeks. His mother and I had been so close since his father passed away. This year, it was different. I can't exactly put my finger on it but it was almost as if the sister-in-law was trying to take on the role of me. I know that sounds childish and immature but when you really look at the situation, it was as if the real her had disappeared and she began talking and acting just like I have for these past years. I was sort of in awe but not in a good way. Honestly, it was different. She had completely changed her words and actions and was the complete replication of me. It angered me, maybe I was jealous? I don't know, the feeling was so strong that I've decided to put some distance between us. I need that.
The rest of the family is sweet and shows this great appreciation and happiness. They all have high spirits and try to joke and laugh with anyone and everyone. His aunt had requested to take my photo. I didn't think too much of it but she said it was for a family member who is putting together the family tree. I was startled. I stopped and just stared at her. "But I am not family" , I said with a feeling of embarrassment and a lump in my throat. She hugged me and said "But you are family!"
While I appreciated the gesture and kind words, I am not really family. In spirit but not in legal terms. It just seems inappropriate to incorporate me into their family tree. She simply said she would respect my wishes. I just hope I didn't offend her.
A couple of years back, they had this family t-shirt for the family members. Me and the boy didn't receive one but everyone else did. My partner gave his to his son and told him to wear it. They were doing family photos next to the Christmas tree, a mass of 20-25 people. I just couldn't do it, I didn't feel as though I fit in. They requested me to sit in on a photo and I simply said "Oh no, no, you guys go on". Deep inside my heart was aching. I am not part of the family, why would I take part? Fast forward a couple of years and here I am feeling the same way.
What is wrong with me?
The night was beautiful, we went home and got right into bed, for sleep! We had to work the next day. I just felt exhausted. Mentally and physically. I went to sleep thinking about his aunt and the t-shirt Christmas. It was heavy on my mind.
What is wrong with me?
All in all, it was a good Christmas. Busy but good. AND- I now feel my tetanus shot. Someone could have warned me that it would hurt so badly 2 days later!!
Merry Christmas, now can I put away the Christmas decorations?